Empty Nest Syndrome Information
Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of loneliness parents or guardians may feel when one or more of their children leave home. For parents, this can result into a time of depression as well as a loss of purpose. Parents may find themselves spending hours in their children’s rooms instead of engaging in normal, everyday activities. [1] When their children finally “leave the nest,” parents must being to adjust their lives accordingly. Parents who suffer from empty nest syndrome face challenges such as establishing a new relationship with their adult children and adjusting their daily routines.
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About
Humans are social animals who have always grown attachments to family and friends. Humans socialize in groups, and bond with one another. For parents, this can result in a time of depression as well as a loss of purpose. Parents may find themselves spending hours in their children’s rooms instead of engaging in normal, everyday activities. [2] A strong maternal or paternal bond between the parent and child can make the condition worse. The role of the parent while the child is still living with them is more hands-on and immediate than is possible when they have moved out, particularly if the distance means that visits are difficult. Neuroscience helps to explain why parent’s express grief when their children go off to college. Two naturally produced chemicals, Dopamine and Oxytocin, play a role in creating the inseparable bond between a parent and child. [3]
When their children finally “leave the nest,” parents must being to adjust their lives accordingly. Parents who suffer from Empty Nest Syndrome face many challenges such as establishing a new relationship with their adult children. They also face the task of adjusting their daily routines which now lack the presence and involvement of their children. Often during the time a child is going away to college, the women are middle-aged and going through other significant life changes, such as menopause. The circumstances surrounding a parent often contribute to whether they are going to feel more grief and despair compared to others. Some common factors, that make parents more susceptible to suffering the symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome include: menopause, emotional experiences in the past where their parents abandoned them, people whose self-identity is being a parent, and mothers who stay-at-home and do not work.
Effects
Empty Nest Syndrome can affect both parents; however, research has shown that it affects women the most. In most cases, women hold the role as the primary caregiver for their children. They dedicate a significant portion of their life to raising their children and view their role as a mother to be their sole purpose in life. Once her children have finally moved out of the house, a mother may feel that her life has lost its purpose and that her most important job is finished. A woman may feel worthless and unsure as to where her life will progress toward in the future. Psychologists suggest that it may take between eighteen months and two years to make the successful transition from mom to independent woman. Similarly to women, men are affected by Empty Nest Syndrome; however, the way in which they cope with their children’s departure is entirely different. The role of the mother has changed significantly over the past few years. Many women hold full time jobs and work outside of the home. As a result, parents may share the role of the primary caregiver for the children. In some cases, men hold the responsibility of the raising and upbringing of the children. According to psychologist Helen DeVries, new research suggests that men suffer the most when their children finally leave home. This is partly because men and women experience and cope with their children’s departures very differently. In a study conducted by Dr. DeVries, women who held the role of a traditional, stay at home mother actually looked forward to their children leaving home. According to Dr. DeVries, they had started planning and preparing for the next stage, whether that meant going back to school, going to work or exploring new interests.[4] In comparison, the men surveyed made no preparations for their children’s departure and did not view it as a major transition. Consequently, men were less prepared to handle the emotional outcomes because they had neglected to prepare themselves for their children’s departure. As a result, fathers were more likely to express regrets over lost opportunities to be involved in their children’s lives before they left home.[5] Contrary to popular belief, pets can also suffer from Empty Nest Syndrome. The bond between children and their pets is incredibly strong, which is why it is possible that pets may suffer when children permanently move out of the house. Pets are extremely susceptible to separation anxiety, one of the effects of Empty Nest Syndrome. Pets, for their part, will exhibit this anxiety through a range of behavioral signs, including panting, pacing, whining, barking and destruction. [6] Some pets may suffer from loss of appetite in extreme cases.
Coping
One of the easiest ways for parents to cope with their children’s departure is to keep in contact with them. Cell phones as well as text messaging are primary ways to keep in contact with other people. Another method of communication is through e-mail or social media networks such as Facebook. A program called Skype, allows people to contact one another via webcam, and has become increasingly popular over the past few years. Support groups urge parents to take advantage of their new life and to make use of the free time they have acquired.
Research has concluded that the majority of parents and guardians discovered that their children leaving home could have many positive effects. Parents found they had more money each month to spend on themselves and on average they felt ten years younger. They also had an increased number of friends and felt their romantic relationship and love life had improved. According to Karen L. Fingerman, PhD, a psychologist and associate professor at Purdue University, once children leave the household, parents are able to pursue their own goals/interests, which they did not have time to do while raising children. Once their children left home, parents also were able to renew their relationships with their siblings.[7]
Support
Although a common condition, many parents and guardians suffer from these feelings alone. They fail to realize that it is a common condition because it is normal for children to move away from home. There are various support forums and chat rooms online specifically to discuss feelings surrounding 'Empty Nest Syndrome'. The charity 'Parentline' has also set up an advice line to help those dealing with an empty nest. Parents and guardians are also encouraged to focus on the positive aspects of their children leaving home.
Myth Vs. Reality
It is often questioned whether Empty Nest Syndrome constitutes true feelings expressed by a parent when their children leave the home. In 1970s the term was first used to convey feelings of depression, loneliness, despair and misery. Currently, many women do not necessarily feel this way when their children depart from the household. Instead, they feel pride and joy from the success of their child’s transition to independence. In a survey that consisted of 1,100 mothers, more than twenty-five percent said that one of their favorite stages of motherhood was when their children no longer lived at home. This was because they could have more of a peer-relationship instead of a disciplinary role with their children. Only ten percent of mothers surveyed experienced feelings of loneliness as well as difficulty adjusting to no longer having children living in the household. In a study conducted by Julie S. Dare, forty midlife women in Australia she documented what society expected of the women to feel when their children left the home, compared to what they actually experienced and their own perspectives. The majority of the women expressed although they were sad to see their children depart, they also felt pride that their parenting had given their children the tools necessary for becoming independent. They also felt this was an exciting time in their own lives to do the things that they had not been able to do while parenting. Their experiences greatly differed from cultural norms and the appropriate behavior that society expected. Only two women in the study expressed feelings of distress connected to circumstances surrounding the women. One woman who had been abandoned by her parents at a young age and having her own child leave the household brought back some of these memories. The other women had been in a troubled second marriage and her children were her escape and often her focus. An explanation for parents not feeling depressed when their children leave is that technology has made it possible for parents to keep in touch with their children. Another factor that influences parents, feelings is that children currently tend to move back home after college due to the job market.
References
- ^ Parker-Pope, Tara. "Your Nest Is Empty? Enjoy Each Other". NY Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/20/health/20well.html?_r=1. Retrieved March 16, 2012.
- ^ Parker-Pope, Tara. "Your Nest Is Empty? Enjoy Yourself". NY Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/20/health/20well.html?_r=1. Retrieved March 16, 2012.
- ^ .
- ^ Clay, Rebecca. "An Empty Nest Can Promote Freedom, Improved Relationships". American Psychological Association. http://www.apa.org/monitor/apr03/pluses.aspx. Retrieved March 16, 2012.
- ^ Clay, Rebecca. "An Empty Nest Can Promote Freedom, Improved Relationships". American Psychological Association. http://www.apa.org/monitor/apr03/pluses.aspx. Retrieved March 16, 2012.
- ^ Capatides, Christina. "Empty Nest Syndrome Affects Pets, Too". ABC News. http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/09/empty-nest-syndrome-affects-pets-too/. Retrieved March 16, 2012.
- ^ Clay, Rebecca. "An Empty Nest Can Promote Freedom, Improved Relationships". American Psychological Association. http://www.apa.org/monitor/apr03/pluses.aspx. Retrieved March 16, 2012.
External links
- Article at Psychology Today
- FlownTheNest.com deals with the issue
- Tips to Help at ParentingTeens.about.com
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